I find that I am either heading in the relapse direction or not heading in the relapse direction. There are no gray areas when I am craving something for my disease and I am looking outside of myself for porn – images, movies, anything to start the fantasy – to get a momentary sexual arousal or all the way to climax.
Archive for the ‘Member’s Write…’ Category
“PornAddicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to become recovered from pornography addiction and to develop healthy relationships through a spiritual program” – Pornaddictsanonymous.org/PAAdocs.html
At PAA we do develop freedom from active addiction to pornography. (In all of it’s forms) That is our number one mission, to develop abstinence from porn viewing. However, we do have another mission in PAA that cannot be over looked. We are here to develop healthy relationships through a spiritual program.
Before coming to PAA my relationship with my partner was horrible. We verbally fought weekly (and sometimes daily) about my usage of pornography. I also had no concept of a Higher Power or even what that meant. I was spiritually bankrupt and that loss spilled out into my relationships.
I lied to my parents and stole hundreds of dollars from my father through elaborate ways. I lied to my partner as I said I was done with porn, but would later be found viewing once more. Unable to stop viewing and having my relationship torn through abuse and mistrust, I stumbled into the rooms of PAA.
I was hopeful about my recovery and went in headfirst. I now can proudly tell you that I love it. Also, my relationship is moving forward. I don’t escalate the conversation anymore and I have learned to keep my anger down to a rock bottom. I can only say this because through PAA I have been saved.
Free to Live: Being free from pornography today, I will celebrate my new spiritually based relationships. I will honor my partner with commitment. Being free to live I will gain more free time and watch the days build up into a city of inspiration for newcomers. I will be able to look the other way when confronted by porn because I like my spiritually enhanced life better than when I viewed porn years ago. I will count the days of freedom.
When the feelings of relapse are appearing, we need to ask for our higher power’s help in saying no.
Learning to define what is “normal” sexuality and accept ourselves for having natural feelings is part of the path of growth and recovery. Learning how to deal with our feelings of arousal in a healthy and mature way is part of growth and recovery.