Somewhere in our lives, the word “no” was attached to abuse, shame, fear, fear of rejection (which is another form of shame). This led to the inability to accept “no” then and now.
Porn is an instant “yes”.
Growing up, some of us had such huge fears based on family experience and maybe abuse and neglect, that “no” meant beatings, shame or other abuse.
Over time, our needs got met in a selfish manner. We got what we wanted not matter what in order to validate our needs. Today, the consequences of those actions are detrimental to the growth we seek in recovering from our addiction.
Some of us also had trouble saying “no”. We feared the negative responses and trashed our own boundaries only to seek out immediate releif from the pain.
With a higher power’s help, we can say “no”, keep our boundaries and not be hurtful about the process.
With a higher power’s help, we can accept “no” and recognize that our higher power may be doing for us, what we could not do for ourselves.
When the feelings of relapse are appearing, we need to ask for our higher power’s help in saying “no”.